put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
