STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
