he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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