The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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