I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
