I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
