new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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