Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
