I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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