we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
