When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
