New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
