Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
