i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
