You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize