Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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