I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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