sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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