i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
