You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
