Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
