My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
