dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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