Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You have to summon your inner elephant
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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