I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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