i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
