just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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