I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He had one of those small greek statue penises
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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