Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
