Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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