Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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