Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
