you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
