I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
