I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
