As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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