First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
