Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
