Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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