Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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