yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
