There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no you cant smoke seaweed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
