He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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