I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize