If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
