it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
