just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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