I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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