Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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