as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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