it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My pussy is not your playground.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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