So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
