Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
