all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
