Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
