oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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