Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize