I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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