so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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