is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
