dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
