Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
