I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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