I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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