what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
