Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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