You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
