I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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