I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
