Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
