after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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