dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
