Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
