ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
