Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
