They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
