im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
