dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
