the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
