We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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