Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
