my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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