Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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