Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
