you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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