stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
