They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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