He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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