We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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