people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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