Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize