I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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