You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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