i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
