I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
