he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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