Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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