Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
