you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
