But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
