I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Screwed.edu
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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