I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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