Michael Bay diarrhea
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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