he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
